A Parenting Reflection on Overwhelm, Triggers, and Self-Compassion

January 2025

Parenting is often shaped by small decisions — seemingly innocent questions or offers that can turn a calm day into chaos. The past couple of days reminded me that while I strive to do it all, sometimes saying “yes” to everything leaves me overwhelmed and unprepared.

It started with a simple question:

“Is Matthew going to 4-H?”

In that moment, I wanted to say yes. I wanted to make it happen for him. I called the organizers, and even though registration had technically closed, they made an exception for us. I thought we could pull it off.

Looking back, I realize how unprepared we were.

When I joked with another mom about needing the secret to keeping up with everything, I wasn’t really joking. Balancing schedules, activities, and responsibilities feels overwhelming at times, and I often wonder how other parents seem to make it look effortless.

But as I reflected, I realized I’ve started uncovering some of those “secrets” for myself.

The Ripple Effect of One Decision

After an early morning workout, I returned home feeling accomplished — only to realize Matthew had just woken up and the 4-H activity was starting soon. The clock was ticking. We scrambled to get him dressed, gather supplies, and rush out the door.

By the time we arrived, we were already late.

That one yes set the tone for the rest of the day. I was already carrying the emotional weight of everything that had happened the day before:

A stressful Walmart trip after work with the kids, sparked by a popped balloon
$300 worth of groceries to haul inside and put away alone
Trying to balance unpacking, playing, and keeping the peace while Steve — tired and overstimulated — disengaged
Ending the evening with an emotional outburst after Marian pushed bedtime boundaries

So when Saturday morning came and we rushed into 4-H unprepared, it felt like a continuation — a buildup of moments that led straight into overwhelm.

The Secrets I’ve Discovered

Through this experience, I’ve begun to understand a few practices that help me stay calmer, more intentional, and less overwhelmed.

Pause Before Saying “Yes”
Not every opportunity requires an immediate yes — and that’s okay. Pausing to ask, Do we have the capacity to do this without adding stress? can change everything.

Plan for Support
I don’t have to carry everything alone. Whether it’s asking Steve to help with part of the routine or setting realistic expectations with my kids, planning for support matters.

Simplify and Let Go of Perfection
Sometimes the kindest choice is “no” or “not yet.” In hindsight, I could have skipped 4-H this month and set a reminder to register early for the next one. Letting go of the need to fit it all in creates space for what matters most.

Give Myself Grace
Yelling doesn’t define me as a parent — reflection and repair do. Progress isn’t about never losing my cool; it’s about learning, growing, and trying again.

The Mental Load of “All the Things”

Even with these insights, I still feel the weight of everything I’m balancing:

Organizing finances and making thoughtful credit card decisions
Monitoring Matthew’s YouTube content to ensure it’s age-appropriate
Decluttering my side of the room and sorting through an overflowing closet
Staying consistent with my gym routine — a vital part of my self-care

Each task feels important. When they pile up, they create a quiet but heavy sense of too much.

A Moment of Joy Amid the Chaos

Despite the challenges, there were moments that reminded me why I keep trying.

That evening, as the first snowflakes fell, the kids wanted to bundle up and explore outside in the dark. Matthew eagerly gathered coats, hats, and boots, even grabbing a flashlight to light the snow.

They were only outside for a few minutes, but they came back in beaming, proudly saying, “We did it!”

That small moment reminded me that my children don’t focus on rushed mornings or stressful errands. They remember love, presence, and shared joy — even when things aren’t perfect.

A Commitment to Progress, Not Perfection

Parenting is unpredictable. I’m learning to slow down, reflect, and give myself permission to simplify. Some days I’ll get it right. Some days I’ll feel overwhelmed.

Every day, though, is a chance to show up with more intention, patience, and grace.

As I tucked the kids in and reflected on the weekend, I reminded myself that parenting isn’t a test of perfection — it’s a journey of becoming. Tomorrow is a new day. A fresh chance to listen, love, and grow.

And just like that snowy adventure, every small step forward is worth celebrating.

Personal Reflection: Pause and Breathe

Take a moment to reflect:

Where in your life are you saying yes out of pressure rather than capacity?
What could you let go of to create more peace and ease?
When have you given yourself grace — and felt the difference it made?

Pause. Breathe.

Sometimes “not this time” is the kindest choice — for your schedule and your well-being.

Navigating the Chaos